10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Adopting a Foster Child

Becoming a foster-to-adopt parent is a rewarding and life-changing journey. Right now, thousands of children in foster care need safe, loving homes. In Virginia alone, 1,700 kids await their forever home. You could be a future parent and the person who changes a child's life.

In the most recent data trends, AFCARS reports the average age of a child awaiting adoption from foster care was 7.5 years. Of those eligible for adoption, 37% were aged five years or younger. This youngest cohort of children in care has been increasing, with the opioid crisis fueling growth.

If you are a first-time foster parent, you might have many questions. You may also want to become a foster family and provide home care before adopting a child.

Ten Questions to Ask Before Adopting a Child or Becoming Foster Parents

Our new parent community often asks about the foster care system. You may want to know how to prepare your family or provide a foster home with supportive care for children. Many aspiring parents feel a calling to help children and want to become a loving forever family.

As you consider the responsibilities and realities of being a foster or adoptive parent, we can help. Here are 10 key questions to ask yourself, your spouse or partner, before welcoming a child into your home:

1. Do We Fully Understand the Commitment?

Adopting from foster care is a commitment to becoming a forever family. Our tip for foster parents and adoptive families? This process requires patience, flexibility, and a willingness to support your unique child.

Kids who spend time in the United States child welfare system have often experienced trauma. DSS social workers at your local social services step in to ensure children's safety and well-being. Children and families may be in the midst of a life crisis. At a minimum, foster youth experience significant life changes entering their first foster care placement.

Take time to evaluate your current responsibilities—work, household management, finances, and personal obligations. Can you handle the added responsibility of providing stability, guidance, and love to a child who needs it? If you’re unsure, that’s okay. It may just mean that now isn’t the right time.

2. Why Do We Want to Adopt a Child?

Why do you want to foster or adopt? Is it because you cannot conceive or because you feel called to help a child in need? The Home Study process ensures you have time to think about your goals and ensure you have the means to provide for your family. If boredom, curiosity, or compensation are your motivations, caring for a foster child isn't a good fit.

The most important thing is ensuring your motivation centers on your child’s best interests. Adoption isn’t about “saving” a child or filling a void in your life. It’s about creating a loving, lifelong connection with a child who deserves a family.

3. Are We on the Same Page?

If you have a spouse or partner, adoption is a journey that both of you must take together. While you may agree on fostering or adopting, do you share the same family values?

One way to explore this is to answer questions separately and then compare your responses. Discuss expectations about discipline, household routines, and what kind of child you feel prepared to welcome. Are you both prepared for the journey of foster care and adoption? Virginia requires adoptive parents to care for their child in foster care for six months before finalizing their adoption.

4. Can We Manage Financially?

While foster care provides financial assistance, it’s not a source of income. Raising a child comes with costs—clothing, food, school supplies, and extracurricular activities. Virginia's foster care includes a financial support system to help offset basic needs, such as food and clothing. However, it isn't enough to support your family.

Evaluate your financial stability before making this commitment. Do you have a budget? Savings? A stable income? Adoption should enhance your family, not create financial stress.

5. How Will We Maintain Our Relationship?

Adopting a child—especially one who has experienced trauma—requires time, energy, and emotional patience. It's easy for a couple’s relationship to take a back seat.

Be realistic about how you will continue to support one another. Will you set aside time for regular date nights? Make space for open communication. Keeping your relationship strong will help you provide a stable and loving home.

6. What Are Our Expectations?

Do you expect to instantly bond with the first child you meet? Are you prepared to complete the foster-to-adopt process, including foster parent training? During the Home Study, are you prepared for background checks for all adults in your household? Are you open to short-term fostering before adoption?

Being realistic about the challenges ahead is important. Some children take time to adjust, while others may come with behaviors that require patience and understanding. Keeping an open heart and mind will help you navigate the process and support the emotional and mental health needs of your child.

7. What Are Our Parenting Styles and Preferences?

If you’re fostering or adopting as a couple, you may have different parenting styles. Have you discussed discipline, household rules, and communication?

Even if you’re fostering as a single parent, it’s helpful to reflect on what kind of parent you want to be. A common fear is that you'll make a bad parent. Perfect parents don't exist! If you aspire to adopt a foster child and create a nurturing family home, this option is open to you whether you're single or half of a couple.

8. Do We Have a Strong Support System?

Raising a child takes a village. Do you have family, friends, or backup care in the community to lean on for support?

Consider your resources:

• Do you have access to quality schools, pediatricians, and therapy services?
• Is there someone who can babysit or help with childcare if needed?
• Are you connected to other foster or adoptive parents for advice and support?

Having a network of supportive people can make a world of difference. Ask detailed questions to thoughtfully choose a supportive child-placing agency partner. Your adoption specialists will guide you every step of the way and are central to helping you build a lasting support network.

9. Is Our Home Right for Children?

Do you have a safe, welcoming space for a child to live? There is no need for "home" to be fancy, and you can rent or own it. Loving homes must meet basic comfort, space, and safety standards:

• Do you have a separate bedroom, or space for your child to share with a same-gender sibling?
• Are your pets friendly and up-to-date on their vaccinations?
• Are you willing and able to make safety changes? These may include adding stair gates for young kids or locking away firearms, medications, and other hazardous chemicals.

You and your home must meet eligibility requirements before you welcome a child into your heart and home. Disqualifiers exist; however, keep in mind that your agency partner wants to help you be successful.

10. Is Now the Right Time?

Is this the right time for your family to adopt? Life is unpredictable, it's true. While there's no perfect moment, you'll want to assess whether you're emotionally, physically, and financially ready.

Are your family members, including biological kids, ready for this adventure? Expanding your family through foster and and adoption will change your family dynamic. Take time to ensure all family members are on board and discuss your timeline. If you’re not ready today, consider what steps you can take to prepare for adoption in the future.

What to Ask Before Welcoming a Child Home

If you’re moving forward with fostering to adoption, you’ll want to learn as much as possible about your future child. As you prepare for your first "placement" or welcoming your child into your home and family, ask any questions you may have. Your agency advocate is here to help:

• What is your child’s medical history?
• What is their family background?
• Have they experienced trauma, such as loss, neglect, or child abuse?
• Do they have special needs or specific care requirements?
• How long has your child been separated from biological parents or siblings?
• How long has your child been in the foster system?
• How many foster care placements have they experienced?
• What are their interests, hobbies, and personality traits?

The more you know, the better prepared you will be to meet your child's needs and create a strong foundation of trust and care.

Take Your Time

Adopting a child is a lifelong commitment, and there’s no deadline to make your decision. Take your time, gather information, and ensure you're ready to take the leap.

If you're considering fostering to adopt, we’re here to support you every step of your parenting journey. Reach out today to learn more from an adoption specialist. You can provide a loving home and become a forever family to a Virginia child in need.