Adopting a Foster Child ... Is it Right for You?
Ask Yourself These 5 Questions...
Maybe you and your partner or family have been talking about fostering a child. Or perhaps the idea of adopting a foster child has been in your heart for a while. Becoming a foster parent is a life-changing decision that can make a lasting impact on a child’s life -- and yours. But before you begin this journey, it’s important to ask yourself some key questions to ensure you’re ready.
Both adoptive and foster parenting involve many responsibilities, some more top-of-mind than others. You must provide a safe and loving home, manage finances, and navigate the foster care system. True, you are never alone with your child-placing agency advocates and specialists. However, understanding what to expect can help you prepare for the road ahead.
If you’re considering fostering or adopting a child, take a moment to reflect on these five key questions.
1. Can You Love and Raise a Foster Child as Your Own?
One of the most important things to think about is if you are ready to welcome a child into your home, family, and heart.
Children enter the foster care system for many reasons, including child abuse or neglect, or family hardships. Research shows that eight in every1,000 American kids has experienced abuse or neglect.
Many foster youth have experienced trauma and may show physical or emotional signs in their foster homes. Physical problems are easy to identify, and include malnutrition, bruises or other injuries. Trauma is widely thought to be underreported, including emotional signs that can be harder to identify.
Some kids in foster care may struggle with trust, emotions, or behaviors as they adjust to a new home. Some may withdraw or act out, while others may have developmental needs, anxiety, depression, or PTSD. No matter their individual needs, all kids in the foster care system are children in need. They require patience and understanding.
Common reactions children may have to strong feelings and fear are becoming argumentative, lashing out, or even throwing tantrums. Each child is unique and you may need to take a different approach to parenting than you have in the past.
Each child in foster care needs caregivers who can offer stability, love, and guidance—no matter what challenges arise. Parenting children and youth who have faced hardship with their birth families requires flexibility and compassion. Foster and adoptive parenting also requires a commitment to learning how to best support your child.
Are you ready to stand by a child through ups and downs and provide a safe, nurturing environment where they can heal and grow?
2. Can You Financially Support a Foster Child?
Raising a child comes with financial responsibilities, including food, clothing, school supplies, transportation, and extracurricular activities. While foster parents receive financial assistance through monthly maintenance payments, you may be able to support your family. Financial support funds help cover basic expenses, not serve as income.
Before fostering, consider:
- Do you have a stable income to support your family, including a foster child?
- Can you cover extra expenses, such as school trips, sports, tutoring, or allowance?
- Do you have an emergency fund for unexpected costs?
Every child in the child welfare system has health insurance through Medicaid. Your child-placing agency partner can help you understand healthcare costs and considerations.
It's a common misconception that you have to be wealthy to foster or adopt a child. Financial resources are available to help foster and foster-to-adopt families. Virginia offers programs like CarePortal, which connects foster families with community support.
The Virginia Department of Social Services (VDSS) also provides food assistance and other financial support programs. Foster parents are also eligible for monthly maintenance payments. These and other benefits aim to ease the parenting path for foster and adoptive families.
3. Do You Have a Strong Personal Support System?
What is a support network or social support system? Think about the people you rely on in an emergency. Consider those dependable people you turn to for advice or to lend a helping hand.
Fostering is a rewarding journey, but it’s not one you have to take alone. A strong support system can help you face challenges and provide the best care for your child. Your system may include family, friends, neighbors, faith community, or local foster parent networks. Your expanded network might even include doctors, therapists, teachers, or others.
Do you have:
- Someone to call for advice or encouragement?
- Trusted family or friends who can step in to help when needed?
- Access to childcare or respite care if you need a break?
Foster parents also receive support from social workers, mentors, and parent training programs. Having a strong network will help you feel confident and supported in your role. Your agency partner can help you build this network in your local community.
4. How Will Fostering or Adoption Impact Our Family?
Experts in social work and foster care advise parents to have open conversations with every member of your family. Fostering and foster-to-adoption have short- and long-term impacts on family life. If you have biological children at home, fostering will impact them, too. Having open conversations about what fostering means and how it will change family dynamics is important.
Children may need time to adjust to sharing their space, attention, and routines. Some may feel excited, while others may have concerns. Listening to their thoughts and preparing them for what to expect can help create a smooth transition for everyone.
A foster family advocate at your agency can help you with tools to encourage conversation and validate family feelings. If everyone in your home is ready for this journey, you can welcome foster youth knowing your child will feel accepted and loved.
5. Is Now the Right Time to Welcome a Child?
Fostering is a significant and life-altering decision that requires time, energy, and emotional readiness. While there’s no “perfect” moment to start, it’s worth considering whether now is the best time for you and your family.
Ask yourself:
- Do I have time to dedicate to a child’s needs?
- Am I emotionally and mentally prepared for the journey ahead?
- Are there major life changes (new job, moving, health concerns) that could make fostering more challenging right now?
Attend a foster parent orientation to learn more about the foster and adoption approval process and ask questions. This first step of the process is not only free, but carries no obligations to move forward. Sessions are a great way to meet other parents who are considering a similar journey. You can also meet advocates who will support you when you are ready to take the leap.
What If Now Isn't My Time But I Still Want to Help Foster Children Today?
If you’re not quite ready, that’s okay. You can take steps now to prepare for the future. This could mean learning more about the foster care system, building your support network, or getting involved in other ways to help foster children.
Consider:
- Mentoring: Helping youth in foster care build life skills and confidence.
- Volunteering: Supporting group homes, foster care agencies, child welfare agencies, or local foster parent networks and support services.
- Donating: Contributing school supplies, clothing, personal care items, or funds to foster care organizations.
Is Foster Parenting or Foster-to-Adoption Right for You?
Fostering a child is one of the most meaningful and life-changing decisions you can make. Taking the time to ask yourself questions will help you determine if you’re ready to welcome a new family member.
If you’re considering fostering or adoption, we’re here to help. AdoptionVA provides guidance, training, and support to help new foster-to-adopt parents every step of the way.
Ready to learn more? Contact us today to speak with a parent advocate. We’ll answer your questions, provide resources, and help you take the first steps toward making a difference in a child’s life.