Creating a Loving Family for Adopted and Biological Kids

Two foster parents and two young children holding hands and walking down the street

Blending a Forever Family with Biological and Adopted Foster Kids

In Virginia, about 1,700 kids in foster care are waiting for a loving adoptive family. If you're thinking about adopting a child from foster care, you may have lots of questions:

Feeling a bit of doubt and fear as you begin your adoption journey through the foster care system is normal. First thing to remember? You are never alone. Your agency partner will guide you every step of the way, from the Home Study through adoption finalization.

Here are some tips to help your family blend biological and adopted foster children into a successful forever family.

Foster Care and Adoption is an Adjustment for Every Family Member

Adoption affects everyone in the family—not just your new child. While you prepare your home and attend parent training, your biological children are also adjusting. Talk with them openly and include them from the start.

Your biological children are probably familiar with your values. They know why you want to give a foster child a stable and loving home. Encourage them to share their feelings, ask questions, and get involved. Remind them their love and kindness will help their new sibling feel safe, welcome, and a sense of belonging.

Put Yourself in Your Child's Shoes

Your biological child might first want to understand why you want to adopt a child. Aren't they enough? How will it change your relationship? How might it change the whole family?

Change often brings some amount of fear and uncertainty. Talk to your kids about why kids enter foster care. Help your kids understand how families can give kids in care a sense of belonging and a place to heal.

Listen and validate your child's feelings. Reassure them that your love for them will never go away...when we love others, our heart expands ever more.

Allow your kids time to process the idea of having new siblings. Perhaps they've already done this with a biological sibling. Give your child time to adjust to the idea of adopting a child from foster care. Remind them that you will have to adjust, too, and this is a journey for the family to take together. 

Give your kids both grace and credit. Families are often surprised by how quickly their resilient biological kids warm to the idea of new siblings. Biological siblings are often welcoming, loving, and supportive from the start.

Give the Gift of Patience

Some kids will quickly adjust, and other children will take longer. Just as you recognize your kids' differences in other ways, keep in mind some children will need your patience and some extra time.

If you have a partner, extend the patience to them, too. You may be wondering how to help your spouse process feelings. Welcome your significant other to speak openly so you can talk through your emotions and goals together.

Foster-to-adoption is a process of getting to know each other and becoming a successful forever family. Whether your kids are older or younger, parenting will bring joy and sometimes challenges. Even the most difficult adjustments come with life-changing rewards. Adoptive parenting will bring untapped joy while your family makes lasting memories together.

Remind Your Kids No One Can Replace Them

Biological children often worry they may have less of your love when a new child joins the family. Whether a blended family by marriage or adoption, kids may feel strong emotions.

Let your kids know in no uncertain terms that no one can replace them in your family and your heart. Be clear with your kids; you deeply love them and always will. Help them see that having a new sibling means sharing, not losing your love.

If your kids feel anxious, sad, or angry, remind them it's normal to have these feelings and encourage them to talk it through. Letting emotions out protects people from potential adverse long-term physical and emotional health. Talking is always healthier than keeping emotions bottled up inside.

Above all, remind your kids clearly and often that no one will ever replace them. Yes, each child will need to learn to share time and family resources, but love always grows and there will never be a shortage. Just as we have other friends and family members, each person enriches our life.

Be Open About Your Reasons for Adopting

If you have a partner, likely, you've already discussed the possibility of foster-to-adoption. Sometimes, agreeing to foster a child is the first step. You can open the door to adoption further along your parenting journey.

Be certain that you are ready to adopt a foster child. Understand that this path of caring for a kid in need will change the lives of every family member.

Clearly explain your goal to your whole family about why you're choosing adoption. Sharing will help everyone understand your reasons:

  1. Giving a child a stable home
  2. Helping a child find love and belonging
  3. Expanding your family by caring for another child

Some parents feel a calling to help a child in need by becoming a foster parent and adopting a child. Others simply want to expand their family and see foster-to-adoption as a way to help at the same time. When family members can relate to your reasons, they are likely to find their way to the same page.

Connect and Learn With Other Blended Families

Getting to know other foster and adoptive families often creates a direct line to practical advice and support. You may find these through your agency partner's family community. Also consider guidance and participation in other places, such as:

  • Local community groups
  • Online forums, like podcasts and the web
  • Church

In any community group, peer families can help support you and your family during the foster-to-adoption. Connecting with other families can also help you build a strong network of trusted friends you can call on whenever you need.

Agencies can help with post-adoption support, such as financial assistance and access to health professionals.

Set a Positive Example

Children naturally mimic the behaviors they see. Kids notice and copy the attitude you show and the example you set at home. If you’re excited and positive about adopting a foster child, your biological kids will likely follow your lead.

While you lead by example, you'll want to keep communication open. Often kids need an adjustment period to process their emotions. Be patient, encourage them to talk and express their thoughts, both positive and negative. Validate their feelings and talk it through with the understanding that adjustments take time.

Involve Your Kids

Getting your biological kids involved in preparations can help them feel connected and valued. They can help paint, decorate their new sibling’s room, or pick out books and toys. Teach them that “sharing is caring” to prepare them for this new family dynamic.

Use Books to Help Your Kids Learn About Foster Care and Adoption

Reading together is a great way for parents to explain foster homes, adoption, and blended families to their kids. You can find many excellent books about foster, adoption, and blended families at your library or local bookstore.

Books can help your kids understand what's happening and express their feelings more easily. Whether your kids can read on their own or will listen to you read, books are a great place to start.

Be Ready for Challenges

Blending a family isn’t always easy. That's fine and expected. No such thing exists as a perfect parent...or a perfect child. Expect there to be challenges along the way.

Remind your kids that you're all on the same team and will overcome obstacles together as a family. Encourage open conversations, and teach everyone to be kind and respectful. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, or community resources. Remind your kids often how much you love them and teach them to express their feelings the way they'd like to from others.

Lean on your spouse or partner and welcome the same from them. You may not feel the same energy every day, so don't hesitate to call in support for guidance or a helping hand.

Questions to Ask Your Kids

Do you need help kicking off a conversation? Here are a few questions to start conversations with your biological children:

  • Are you worried about becoming a foster family or adopting children?
  • Can I answer questions about the child welfare system, social services, or why kids enter foster care programs?
  • What do you think will be easy or hard about this change?
  • Do you have expectations or worries about adoption?
  • How can I help make this easier for you?

Keep it light when the moments are right. Some questions can help your kids think about daily fun. For example, will their new sibling like the same games? Will they share their favorite foods?

CREATE YOUR Happy FOREVER Family 

By talking openly and involving your children from the start, you’re on your way to building a loving, blended family. Children and families can problem-solve together. Spark meaningful conversations that offer emotional support for young kids and teens alike.

Ready to take the next step? Contact us—we'll help you prepare and connect you with one of Virginia’s many children looking for their forever home.